Ten signs you're not getting a christmas bonus

• Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future"
• The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial
• On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips
• What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet"
• Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out"
• You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants
• When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under avalanche of stolen office supplies
• Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw
• In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "crap" appeared 78 times
• You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets