Christmas Present Jokes
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|Boy: My Christmas stocking's got a hole in it.
Father: Of course it has, dipstick. That's to get the presents in.
Boy: I asked for a hundred stocking fillers and all I got was this creepy crawly.
Father: You got a hundred stocking fillers.. that centipede has a hundred legs!
|Did you like a parrot I bought you darling? It sings, dances, tells jokes and recites poetry. What did you think of it?
Well, to be honest, it was a bit tough, but the stuffing was nice.
|Man: Do you have a pink car for my daughter?
Assistant: Sorry, Sir, we're all sold out. It seems everyone in the country has bought a pink car this week.
Man: You realise what this means?
Assistant: Yes, sir. We're slowly turning into a pink car-nation.
|Man: I want some silk handkerchiefs for my wife.
Assistant: Certainly, sir. What size nose does she have?
Man: Actually she wanted something with diamonds but I only have two pounds.
Assistant: So, buy her a pack of cards.
Man: I'd like a magaician's set for my son.
Assistant: Is he a beginner?
Man: No! He's been practising the sawing-people-in-half trick for years.
Assistant: Is he an only child.
Man: No, No! He has a lot of half-brothers and sisters.
|Man: My wife would like an unusual watch.
Assistant: Certainly, Sir. This one has insects in place of numbers.
Man: So how do you tell the time?
Assistant: Easy. Look! It's just coming up to fly past flea.
|What did one Christmas tree say to the other?
I've got a present fir you!
|What did the dog get for Christmas?
A mobile bone!
|What did the farmer get for Christmas?
|What do wizards use to wrap their presents?